Humans are not a hive, you do not share a hive mind. When it comes to agency and personal authority, it isn’t enough for you to know you have power and that you are biologically wired to seek, authenticate, and express your power. You must also understand that your monkey brain’s tremendous influence to keep you plugged into a tribe also has the potential to brainwash you into believing you are only as powerful as your tribe.
This is a lie. It is a convenient lie. Convenient for your tribe, and convenient for your comfort and the basic human tendency towards doing the minimal amount of work in life to maintain that comfort. It is, nonetheless, a lie. We can and do figure this out. Sometimes. There is a ridiculous amount of the opposite going on right now. Although the hive-mind drift isn't probably any more prolific now v. other periods in our recent social milieu, it is perhaps more evident because of the violent nature of its current expression.
When we let ourselves be influenced by the hive-mind drift we are succumbing to an intrapsychic version of domestic violence. This is how it works:
The aspect of your nature driven and created for independent thinking, creativity and decision-making periodically expresses its independence. The monkey brain is watching. As long as the human expression of power doesn’t disturb the bees in the hive, all is well. When the hive starts to agitate in response, the monkey is going to start punishing. The human expression of power submits, retreats, and there is a tentative truce masquerading as peace. For a while. But because we are wired to seek power, after a while, the cycle begins again.
This should feel a little crazy.
Understanding and accepting the purpose of the monkey brain is critical here. It isn’t bad or evil. It is important and can be beautiful. It is what allows us to feel the intense warmth, beauty and security of deep relationship. It is the source of profound joy when our children reach a dream. It allows us to pull together with people who otherwise appall our sensitivities so we can collectively house, clothe and feed one another after devastating natural disasters.The monkey wants us to plug in. Our ability to think like everyone around us is what keeps people alive when trucks smash through crowds and when tornadoes the size of the gods rip through towns.
Know the monkey brain’s purpose in your community and in your family. Understand the monkey brain’s strengths. Get intimately familiar with its limitations.
Ignore this and your tendency toward tribal comfort will mirror the escalating cycle of domestic violence. Eventually the abusing partner destroys the target of the abuse. Emotionally, psychologically, physically. Domestic violence ends in death.
If you want to live from your natural capacity as an individual capable of independent, creative power and impact you will be required to do what she is required to do. You will have to risk everything. You will have to unplug from the hive and go it alone. There is no other option. What you will find out there is the ability to feel even more connected. Your monkey will be happier because healthy relationships thrive when the power differential isn’t constantly contested and your monkey wants - needs - to belong. You will be part of your tribe without the internal violence of your monkey brain beating your power into submission. And you just might be able to solve problems like we seem to be facing right now.